


tentatus est

by eternalbreath



Category: Final Fantasy XII
Genre: Alternate Reality, M/M, meta-fic, the fandom hell bus has arrived honk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-10
Updated: 2009-09-10
Packaged: 2017-10-03 00:57:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternalbreath/pseuds/eternalbreath





	tentatus est

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [These Unending Alchemies of Honour](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12120) by [justira](https://archiveofourown.org/users/justira/pseuds/justira). 



The night pressed close as Noah arrived at the imperial suite, daylight faded hours before. The halls were quiet as he strode in, the clink of his armor echoing in the empty passages. He shed his helm and bore down on the faint light from Larsa's sitting room. Senate elections would begin and the morning; Larsa should rightly be sleeping.

Noah was no longer surprised that Larsa would push himself to the brink exhaustion where he would lecture others for doing the same. Noah worried for Larsa's sleeping habits while he could retain a right to chide an emperor to bed. In too-short years Larsa would brook none of it, of this Noah was sure. Even now he had to tread carefully.

The scene in the sitting room was a shock—although less of one than it could have been had Noah not seen its like hundreds of times before. Penelo stretched out on the lounge, golden hair pooled over the dark fabric, eyes closed and breath deep. Noah was unsurprised to find Larsa in a chair beside her, a book open but his eyes trained on her.

Where Penelo was, Vaan surely would be. Noah's chest ached, but he didn't see him in his survey of the room.

"I see my agents are beginning to be bested by sky pirates," he said as Larsa started. "Perhaps we should examine how it has become so simple for them to enter the city without myself receiving any notice of the event."

Larsa set his book aside and stood. "Forgive me, it was of my accord," he said. "I asked them not to disturb you; it was simply a friendly visit."

"Was it," Noah said. At the very least they hadn't breached security completely.

Larsa faltered. "I dare not break Penelo's confidence in the little she told me," he said in low tones.

Once more Noah saw the heartbreak that would be sure to come if Noah let this continue—but he could not bear to risk it yet, for as the peace was fragile so did he consider Larsa the same in too many ways. He stood silent and watched Larsa struggle for the words, such an odd situation for him, but coming more and more often the closer he and Penelo grew. Not for the first time, Noah's desire for Drace's counsel sought to overwhelm him—she had always understood Larsa's heart.

"I fear they have faced a disappointment of some measure," Larsa said; then, softly, "Perhaps Vaan would be inclined to hear your advice."

Noah paused to consider Larsa and his words. "What of Vaan?"

"In the second guest suite; he hasn't emerged since their arrival." Larsa looked back on Penelo. "Do not worry over me; I will retire soon."

"Morning will come swiftly," Noah said, "so see that you do."

He did not remain to see that Larsa kept his word, but took his leave to his quarters across the hall. It was rare that Vaan and Penelo sought Archades outside news from Rabanastre. Finding them here now was quite unexpected; Vaan had been confident enough in the continuing peace to inform them of more than a month's wait until their next visit, for their own business. Noah hadn't inquired about the nature; at the time his thoughts had been full of Vaan gone with only a tentative return date.

Noah discarded his cloak and helm on the lounge in front of the bed, caught his breath at the memory of the goodbye between them, Vaan's eyes warm and filled with amusement, as if he realized that here he would always have the advantage, when the weapon was himself and the pulse of tension between them. Never before had simple glance and a crooked smile laid Noah so bare.

Noah had been thankful Larsa had refrained from commenting on it.

He moved through discarding his armor by force of habit, setting the pieces aside as he removed them, his mind elsewhere. He had expected a long parting, weeks at the least, time to deal with these feelings, but it had been less than two. Noah could only surmise that something had gone wrong.

The mission had gone awry. Vaan had come here.

To Archades.

Noah paused, his hands on a boot that was halfway off, the leather dry under his fingers.

Vaan had come to Archades.

* * *

When Noah emerged from his quarters a short time later, the halls were drenched in the dark of an early morning. No one stirred from Larsa's sitting room, as Noah paused by the door, but he could hear Penelo's soft breathing in the dark.

Another time, Noah might have carried her to a proper bed—it wouldn't be the first time, nor the last.

This separation was an invitation. Subtle, but Vaan and Penelo were growing into their roles. They said much these days without needless words and this spoke volumes.

A challenge.

He continued down the hall to the guest bedroom Vaan took when in Archades. It was silent in the hall, the only noise the rustle of his leather and the soft pad of his bare feet on the chilly floor. The door was shut, but the knob turned easily under his hand, metal cool under skin and silent, allowing him entry into this place he would have otherwise not dared go.

It was too dangerous.

Noah found Vaan spread across the foot of massive bed crosswise, limbs splayed over the coverlet, armor he had failed to remove shining in the stuttering lamplight from the ornate table beside the bed. Noah only had to look at him to see his sleep was disturbed, brow furrowed and fists clenched, slumber far from peaceful.

By all rights he should remove himself from the room and let Vaan sleep and come to him in the morning on safer terms, but he yet remained, intrigued by Vaan's subtle hints to seek him out.

Noah was sure that Vaan had been waiting here for him to arrive. He was also quite sure Vaan had not meant this meeting to give Noah the upper hand, catching Vaan sleeping, full armor or no.

And yet, Noah could not tear himself away, so few chances as he had to see Vaan still and calm. The guilt was heavy as he stepped toward the bed and bent to sit on the edge, one knee drawn up. He left a space between them as he perched, which did little to negate his concerns that he had crossed an unspoken line between them, but in the quiet privacy of the room, Noah pushed the fears to the wayside and reached out.

Vaan's skin was warm as Noah removed the gaunlet from his right hand and sat it on the floor, slipping his arm across Vaan's torso to reach the other. He did not miss the dried blood on them, nor on the vambraces as they fell open under his fingers. He held one in his hands after setting the other down, looking over the splatter of blood, the pattern and direction of it on the decorations.

Vaan had been very angry, indeed. The last time Noah had witnessed Vaan's anger erupt into violence...

Noah sat the vambrace with the rest and sighed into that memory that with time had started to feel as if it belonged to another, a person that had simply hoped for peace and didn't covet smiles and laughter from this man on the bed before him. What was between them now was far beyond peace into spaces Noah knew not how to navigate.

Vaan stirred, his hip pressing into Noah's as he shifted, undoing the space Noah had purposefully put between them. He was fever-warm even though Noah's leathers. His brow furrowed and it was so familiar to Noah that it made him ache—that he knew this face so well. Vaan's bottom lip was split, a dark red stripe along the corner. Noah cursed his lack of knowledge in Vaan's business, distance provided for deniability that now kept him in the dark as to what had taken place—and the fallout had driven him off his schedule and back to Archades right under Noah's nose.

"Vaan," Noah said, breaking the silence of the room.

Vaan mumbled, soft not-words.

"Vaan, you must wake," Noah repeated, and placed a hand on Vaan's shoulder, bare skin hot and smooth under Noah's palm.

Vaan's eyes fluttered and he opened his mouth to speak, but winced—and no wonder. Noah wondered at Vaan, leaving such an annoying injury unhealed. Without thinking, Noah moved and ran him thumb over Vaan's lip, pulling together the magic without a thought but making Vaan more comfortable. A trick from his mother, for small cuts and quick fingers.

When Vaan's eyes snapped open and he tensed, Noah froze, his hand still cupping Vaan's jaw.

"Noah," Vaan said. "…what?" His voice was sleep-heavy.

"The imperial suite is quite safe—you may sleep without your armor, here."

"If I wanted that healed I would've done it myself," Vaan muttered. He closed his eyes turned his face into Noah's palm. Noah had received no greater surprise from Vaan yet, and his sigh was nothing less than content.

"I would like to hear the story of its acquisition." Noah risked swiping his thumb over another small bruise on Vaan's cheek.

"Get your magic away from me." Vaan didn't move and his breath on Noah's skin called up chills that had no place in this room. "Got those in a totally unfair fight."

"Are you hurt elsewhere?"

Vaan said nothing.

"Should I wake Penelo and have her attend you?"

Vaan's eyes snapped open and he struggled up to lean on his elbows, eyes flashing and no trace of sleep there now. "You let her sleep, she's _exhausted_."

"And yet, the mystery remains of why." Noah would have felt terrible using Penelo otherwise, but in this case he preffered Vaan alert in lieu of Vaan soft and sleepy and pliable under his hands—which Noah took back now that Vaan was fully awake, chiding himself for feeling disappointed. "We believed you abroad for weeks more."

"Yeah, well, things didn't work out." Vaan flopped back down and groaned. "We were lucky to make it out of Bhujerba."

Noah said nothing to this; he feared anything would reveal too much.

"Stupid bounty hunters," Vaan said. "Found us the second day there."

"A bounty already." The hint of mocking came so easily, he only regretted it after it was done. He covered his hesitation with a smile as Vaan opened one eye to glare.

"Why wouldn't we?" Vaan asked, then sighed. "Never mind, you're right. We didn't understand, either. There were five of them."

Five hunters, for a sky pirate that had not yet made a name for himself in the trade. Noah counted that excessive for even a pirate of Balthier's status if they had accosted Vaan and Penelo at once.

"_Five_," Vaan said again, pointed and vehement.

"Yes, I am appropriately impressed with your prowess," Noah said, the tease in his words masking the worry, and Vaan laughed, eyes bright for a moment only to be replaced with a grimace and a groan as he arched against the bed.

Noah moved without thought, standing so he could lean over Vaan with more ease.

"You assured me you weren't hurt."

"I'm not really, it just bruising." Vaan flushed. "There were five of them and one of me. They might have gotten a few hits."

The reason Vaan's armor was still in place was all too obvious now, but Noah checked his anger and filed away Vaan's comments. "Does Penelo even know this took place?" he asked, "or have you kept it from her, as well, so she couldn't care for you?" Vaan said nothing as Noah began removing the armor from his legs, unclasping tight straps, checking for injury, and pulling the greaves away, letting them clatter to the floor behind him. Noah said, "What purpose does remaining in pain provide to you?"

"I should have to remember," Vaan murmured. "I shouldn't be able to forget that I just—let my guard down. It's not like I made a secret I was there."

Noah withheld his comments, for Vaan didn't need to hear his musings or assumptions about the hunters. It would be ceaseless worrying for the both of them with no resolution. He held his tongue on the matter as he unlaced Vaan's boots. "Your mind should be clear to remember the important details, rather than focusing on preventable hurts. You are no marytr to waste yourself in this fashion."

"Why let Penelo lecture when you'll do it for her in your judge-voice?" Vaan said. "Way more dramatic." He closed his eyes and winced as Noah pulled his boots away, let them fall to the floor in a clatter and set to removing the poleyns. "Does Larsa listen to this all the time?"

"No, for Larsa has more sense," Noah said and was disinclined to care about the snap in his tone, but was careful to keep his movements gentle and not let his frustration leak through. "Are you certain nothing feels broken?" He slid his hand behind Vaan's thigh to pull the straps. Now he saw the telltales signs of battle on the poleyns in particular—many less successful hunters had made their fortune in knees and ankles—these had been no different.

Amateurs.

"I'd be louder if something was broken." Vaan laughed, halfhearted and followed by a furrowed brow.

Noah tentatively pulled healing magicks together, gathered them around his hands as he worked through the remaining straps and belts. Unfocused magick was harder to control, but the healing spells were at least not the hardest to use in such a way.

Vaan raised his head. "Thought I said to keep your magic away from me."

"Oddly enough, I find I care not at all," Noah replied, voice tense with the risk of it. Noah was never less than honest with himself concerning Vaan, for his role here with Larsa and the peace was too important to treat lightly over petty ills. In this moment his truth was a fierce desire to protect even as he feared Vaan balking against the offering of it.

"Pushy," Vaan said, but didn't move. Noah carefully shifted his thoughts away from the warmth of him, the easy way Vaan allowed Noah to move and shift his loose limbs even as he placed a knee between Vaan's calves to work more effectively.

"It's like you're having a tantrum." Awe coated Vaan's tone, and Noah looked up to see eyes on him, thoughtful as he dropped one poleyn to the side and moved to the other leg.

"A tantrum fails to communicate my displeasure with you at this moment," Noah said, but there was no bite to it as the other poleyn came away under his hands. The words were too soft and he was too distracted by the spells he weaved over Vaan's legs.

"_Noah_."

He did not shudder at the tone of his name in Vaan's voice, gentle and trusting, but it was a close thing. He was all too aware of the dim-lighted room, the give of the bed under him, and Vaan's half-closed eyes watching him. Noah felt a question here and could not ascertain the nature of it to provide an answer, but that Vaan had asked him to come.

Instead of responding, Noah reached up and unclasped Vaan's belt, pushed the heavy buckle to the side so it slid off the bed. Vaan sucked in a breath when Noah replaced it with his hands, pulled together the magic in earnest and pressed palms to Vaan's torso, around the curve of his hips. His skin was blistering hot as Noah ran his thumbs over the sharp rise of ribs, then down and over fabric to escape skin too tempting.

It had been many years since he had used this type of healing on anyone, he thought, as he ran his hands over muscles, the magic pulsing in time with his heart. Under him, Vaan whimpered, eyes closed and back arched. The reason why he had stopped were all too clear to him now as he breathed deep and slow and concentrated on the magick.

"I cannot help it all," Noah murmured finally, his hand running down Vaan's inner thigh and he would not lie to himself by pretending he gained no pleasure from the rise of Vaan's hips, so he did it again. "You were too long with no attention; the least I can do is help with the worst of the stiffness." He cupped his hands behind Vaan's knee. "You are important to many people. You must take better care of yourself and let go these follies of proving something that is invisible to anyone but yourself."

Vaan opened his eyes to glare, but as Noah had known would happen, he was drowsy with the unfocused magic being used on him, relaxed and pliant and the hard gaze reached nowhere near Vaan's intended intensity.

Or perhaps, Noah mused, it reached an intensity in the opposite direction that at this point in time Noah had to ignore. Too many lines he had not simply crossed, but torn through on this night.

He shifted to lean over Vaan directly, braced himself with his left arm on he bed, a foot holding him steady on the floor, and faced the petulance in Vaan's eyes head on. "If you take nothing else away from this, heed my counsel. You are formidable when your mind is clear and you must ensure your greatest weapon not be abused by childish trickery for teaching lessons. You no longer need to play those games with yourself; lay them aside." Vaan provided no retort, but the look in his eyes grew softer. Vaan lifted a hand and curved his palm around Noah's neck, and smirked when Noah could not help but lean into the warmth.

"Fine," Vaan said, and then, "I'll think about it."

"See that you do," Noah said.

Vaan watched him for a moment, let his thumb brush over the soft skin behind Noah's ear. Noah shivered, and this was a line he could protect even as he wanted to run roughshod over it and damn all the consequences. Noah reached for Vaan's wrist with his free hand, pulled it palm-down over beard-shadow and turned his head just enough to press his lips to the pulse, rapid under his lips. "Not now," he murmured, quiet and half to himself, but Vaan must have heard because he tensed.

Noah wished for more experience in telling his charges no without regretting every moment.

Then he backed away, stood even as Vaan's expression went cloudy and displeased, side-stepping the pile of armor. He smiled and tilted his head as Vaan sat up on his elbows, pleased he did it without struggle. "Go to sleep, Vaan," he said, but not without as much kindness as he could muster, and retired the room. He could feel Vaan's eyes on him as he left, back to places that were much safer for his heart.

* * *

The morning found Noah ill-rested and apprehensive, the early morning light sneaking in through the curtains of Larsa's sitting room. What sleep he had acquired had been fitful, and the waking hours filled with regrets. The imperial suite was deserted of Larsa and their visitors when he finally rose, and he wondered if Vaan taking his leave from Archades before they crossed paths was better than the alternative, but for the fact that Noah had no knowledge of what the alternative would be.

In truth, he could not guess at Vaan's reaction upon waking and that unsettled him most of all.

Election days were always celebrated throughout the city, but Noah took little part in the festivities himself. There was paperwork to complete and schedules to draft, busywork that on any other day he could settle down to with ease, but this morning he was too distracted. He was caught in a stray thought, staring at his desk, when the knock at the door startled him.

Vaan leaned against the frame of the door, watching him with careful eyes. "We forgot about elections before we came."

"Quite. You were lucky they delivered you to Larsa instead of me," Noah said, stifling his nerves at Vaan's presence.

"Yeah, Penelo bribed her," Vaan said. The corner of his mouth lifted in a small smile. "A _lot_."

Interesting, but not surprising if Vaan and Penelo had been delivered to the imperial suite without involving Noah at all. He idly wondered how much the agent had acquired in the transaction; he would have to look at the report. He tilted his head and asked, "None of your charm?"

Vaan wrinkled his nose. "I wasn't exactly…well, you know."

Noah nodded as Vaan came to sit in the chair in front of the desk. "I trust you will be staying through the elections to keep Larsa company so he doesn't waste his hours watching the Senate's perfect storm of terror and possibilities."

Vaan stared at him for so long Noah felt nerves rise up, the same that had plagued him all night, driven sleep so far away, and made him wonder how Vaan would react to their encounter. There had been no innocence in that room, from either of them.

"Well," Vaan started, standing to lean over Noah's desk, "do _you_ want me to stay?"

Little pretense there. "I would not be opposed."

"Not an answer." Vaan leaned forward over the desk. "You're not going to run away this time."

He had miscalculated, then, that Vaan would take his departure how it was meant and instead frame it as taunting. "I would have stayed, but for the consequences," Noah said carefully. "You are…important."

"If you say I'm important to Larsa…" Vaan snorted. "As if you haven't noticed how much of his time Penelo takes up where he doesn't even care that I'm in the room. We're talking about you, stop playing dense."

The tension was palpable now, not unlike the tension of the night, but for their roles reversed. Vaan loomed over him with flashing eyes, challenge writ plain, arms tense where he braced against the edge of the desk, and Noah was reminded of a sparring match months old, where this same boy fought for and demanded things of him he was loathe not to provide.

"What would you have of me, Vaan?" Noah asked, throat tight.

"A straight answer would be the best start," was the terse reply, from a down-turned mouth and suddenly uncertain eyes, despite the boldness of the words. Noah understood the uncertainty all too well and was in no position but to give Vaan what he asked.

"I would have you stay, for as long as it pleased you to be in my company." He said it quietly, the truth he had felt for weeks, even though it was no revelation to either of them.

"_Finally_," Vaan said, and the change of mood was so rapid Noah was startled by it. Vaan leaned across the table, cupped Noah's jaw with one hand and pressed their foreheads together. He closed his eyes and breathed and Noah breathed with him, his heart thundering in his chest as Vaan's fingertips slid across the curve of his neck. Vaan could kiss him now if he would _move_, but he only smiled, which Noah felt rather than saw. "You know," Vaan said in a whisper, breath warm on Noah's lips, "you're allowed to_ feel_."

Noah gave in to temptation to reach out and do so, but when he raised his arm Vaan slipped out of range of his hand, dislodging papers and quills in his haste, grinning.

"Go back to work, Noah." He smirked when he said it, and was gone from the study without a goodbye.

Noah gaped after him, flushed and distracted, before filling the room with laughter he didn't even bother to resist.


End file.
